Careful, Not Anxious: When Vigilance Protects Your Life and When It Starts to Shrink It
For people living with chronic health conditions, being careful is often essential. Someone with coeliac disease needs to check labels, ask questions and think about cross-contamination every time they eat. Someone with a condition that flares with overexertion needs to plan and pace. This kind of vigilance is not anxiety for the sake of it, it is a necessary and protective part of managing a health condition, however, the line between helpful vigilance and anxiety that starts to take over can sometimes become blurred.
Vigilance that protects your quality of life
Healthy vigilance is what allows people to keep living the life they want. It means you can still eat out at places you trust, attend social events with a plan in place, travel with some preparation and enjoy time with friends and family. It may take more thought and organisation than it does for other people, but it supports your health and your quality of life at the same time.
There are also times when it is completely normal for vigilance and worry to be higher. These include soon after a diagnosis when there is so much to learn, when starting a new job or moving house and needing to find new safe options, and when travelling or facing an unfamiliar situation. Feeling more anxious during these times is an understandable response to change, and it often settles as confidence grows.
When vigilance starts to reduce quality of life
A helpful question to ask is whether your carefulness is protecting your life or shrinking it. Vigilance may be becoming something more if it starts to reduce your quality of life, such as avoiding all social events rather than just the ones that feel unsafe, feeling as though there are no options anywhere, cutting out more than your condition actually requires, or finding that the worry keeps growing over time rather than settling.
It is also worth noticing the reason behind the worry. Being concerned about getting sick is very different from being concerned about weight or body image, and the two may need different kinds of support. If you are a parent, particularly of a teenager, paying attention to whether your child’s world is getting bigger or smaller can be a gentle and useful guide.
Finding the balance
The goal is not to become less careful about what keeps you well. It is to be safe and still able to live a full life. This may involve planning ahead so you can stay connected to people, such as calling a venue before you go, bringing your own food or suggesting plans that don’t revolve around eating. It may also involve learning to tolerate some uncertainty in situations that are reasonably safe, and gradually building confidence in places you trust.
For parents, children often take their cues from the adults around them. Treating a health condition as something that simply requires a bit of extra planning, rather than something to be afraid of, can help children learn that they can still take part in the things they enjoy.
When to reach out
If you notice that the worry around your health condition is starting to take over, affecting your relationships, your social life or your peace of mind, it may be worth talking to someone. A psychologist who understands chronic illness can help you find a balance that keeps you safe while supporting the life you want to live. Being careful is not a problem, it is often what keeps you well, and the aim of support is simply to make sure it continues to serve you.
